The Young Ones: One Bloody Good Movie!
by AFH
Summary: CHAPTER 5 UP! Every young one gets old, even the Young Ones themselves, and now the next generation will go to the Scumbag School while their fathers reunite
1. Re united

The Young Ones in: One Bloody Good Movie! Written by Hell-N  
  
~~*~~ To celebrate Nigel Planer's (Neil's) 51th birthday, I have written this fanfic. ~~*~~  
  
SCUMBAG SCHOOL REUNION, read the big billboard in front of an old building. Everything was decorated with balloons and pictures of the old students that have been on that school 20 years ago. Of course, the pictures of Vyvyan, Rick, Neil and Mike were hanging in front of one of the windows. While people were walking past those pictures, all of the sudden a football was kicked right against Rick's picture, breaking the glass behind it.  
  
A young man was slapped against the back of his head by his father. "Didn't I tell you to knock the real Rick out with that ball? Now we've got to find something else to get that sissy down!" the man said. He wore the same kind of clothes like he did in his young years. His son roled his eyes and walked towards the catering on the side of field. "Well well well, if it isn't Vyvyan." a voice said, as Vyv turned himself around to look straight into the face of Rick. "Weel weel weel..." Vyv said, trying to imitate Rick by waving his hands around like a happy schoolgirl, "If it ain't Rick-ee! What's up, Rick-ee? Still trying to lose your virginity?" "NO." Rick sneered, "In fact, I have a son now, who is starting his studies on this school this year." Rick patted the 20-year-old boy next to him on his shoulders. They both looked the same: freaky, and wearing a lot of black. "What is he going to study? How to be a girl?" Rick shrugged, "He is going to study the noble art of music." "Like I said: How to be a girl." Rick's head turned red, but before he could do anything, Mike joined the three men. "Hello lads!" "Oh, hi Mike, how is your life today?" Rick responded while his red color started to fade again. "Good, good. May I introduce you to my boy Nick." A slick young man stepped from behind his father, sticking out his hand to Rick's son. "Hi there, study partner!" he said. The boy looked at Nick's hand, and then shook it while mumbling "Richard." "He's going to study Sociology." Mike said even before Vyv could open his mouth, "So, Vyvyan, have you also joined the rest of us into parenthood?" "Yeah." Vyv pointed towards the catering, and his son walked back to his father, holding a plate full of food, "That's Keith, going to study Criminology." "Oh I bet he'll know everything about that!" Rick replied. "Shut up." "You shut up!" "Where's your wife?" "One-night-stand. Where's your's?" "Divorced. No new girlfriend?" "Not yet, working on it." "Can't get one?" "I AM WORKING ON IT!" "Prove it." "How?" It was silent for a few seconds, and Mike sighed and mumbled "Fast conversation." Vyv looked to the catering again, and pointed to a long-haired person standing at the table. "There, go for it." "Wha--now?" "Yes, now." Don't worry, Rick, we'll be right behind you." Mike said. "Yeah, we don't wanna miss a thing of you humiliating yourself." Rick snorted nervously before walking towards the table. When he was standing right behind the person Vyv pointed out, he coughed. "Uhm, hello there, may I say you have beautiful, uhm, hair? So, uhm, how are..." Before Rick could finish his scentance the person interrupted him with a male voice. "Gawsh Rick, sorry to tell you this but I am, you know, straight. Not that you aren't straight, everyone is straight, but, aww well, you know what I mean, don't you?" Rick slapped his forhead. "Shut up, Neil." "Heya Neil! You haven't changed a bit! How are you?" Vyv said, looking up to the tall guy. "Quite well." he said, stroking a lock of his long ash-blonde hair behind his ears, "I've got a nice home, nice kid, good job, so why won't I be well?" "Oh realy?" Vyv replied, looking around, "Where's your kid then?" Neil looked over the men's heads. "Hey Nigella, come see my old friends" Vyv smirked. "Nigel..la? You've got a daughter?" Neil smiled and nodded, still looking over their heads. "Aww Neil! Why do you always have to be different? We all have a son and you decided to have a daughter. Just go with the flow next time will you?" Rick said harshly. Neil looked to Rick, and his smile faded and was replaced with his common, depressed face. "What's up?" the girl asked to the men, walking towards her father and wrapping her arm around his waist. Nick ran a hand through his hair. "Why hello there, I'm Nick. Are you also going to study over here?" Nigella rolled her eyes, obviously not impressed by the boy. "Yeah, I'm going to study Philosophy, just like my dad." she said, letting her head rest against Neil's shoulder. Neil looked joyfull again and fiddled with his daughter's dark-brown hair.  
  
Some speakers let out a squeaking noise before a voice was heard. "Dear visitors, old school students and new students. As you know, a few weeks ago, new students could write themselves in for a whole new education and for a place in our new student-houses. To see which house you'll be in, and with who, check the lists in the P.E. room." Most people walked off the field towards the school-building. Nigella grabbed hold of Neil's hand and pulled him with her. The others followed them.  
  
"Bastart, Keith" Vyv said, pointing to one of the lists, "House number 13." Keith took a close look at the list. "Hey Nick, you're on this list too, and so are Richard and... Nigel Pye...?" "Wait a minute, my last name is Pye!" Nigella said, pushing Richard out of the way and reading the rest of the information behind the name. "Oh God no! This can't be true! They've misspelled my name and put me in a house with three men!" Keith smirked and put his arm around Nigella's shoulders. "No worries, I'm sure we'll have a good time." She gave him the evil eye, before turning to her father. "Can't we do something about it?" "Well, the top op the list reads that the students can't be replaced any more." "Oh great, just great!" she said, holding her arms up in the air, "Talking about bad luck!" She was still standing there with her arms in the air, waiting for someone to come up with something, until she noticed the rest had already went off to get their books...and thus she ran back to the group.  
  
~~*~~ Will Nigella find a way to get away from the men? Will Keith start to annoy Richard? Will Rick get a new wife? We'll find out in the next chapter of The Young Ones: One Bloody Good Movie! 


	2. Where there are young ones,there's havoc

Okay people, sorry for that messy first chapter, I seen to have forgotten to save it as a txt. document. Now, let us continue with the story, shall we? ~~*~~  
  
..."House number 13. Here's it." Richard said, looking to a small house and holding a key. "Are you sure this is it? Looks more like a small barn to me." Nick responded. "Now, Nick, if you don't appreciate the small things in life, you'll never receive the big ones, either." Mike said, patting his son on the back, "You'll get used to it, I was living in a small place when I went to this school and got through it!" After Richard opened the door, everyone went straight upstairs to start fighting about who was getting which room. "One big room and three small ones..." Keith said, "And ever since I am the biggest one of us, I'll get the big room." "No way, as a woman, I need some space at least once a month! So get out, Keith, this room is mine!" "We could make this a double-room." "In your dreams, buster!" "If you weren't a girl, I'd fight you for this room!" "Okay, listen, if you can solve my riddle, this room is yours, if not, it will be mine, deal?" "Deal." Nigella coughed. "Here it goes: I am following you around all day, your whole life, while you don't even notice me. Only when darkness surrounds you, I shall leave. But as soon as a ray of light falls on you, I'll be by your side." "Uhm...uhm...I dunno...uhm..." "Giving up?" "No! I know I know it...let me think..." "And?" "Okay, don't know it." "It's your shadow." Neil said, standing behind Keith, "Your shadow follows you around all day, except when there's no light." "I KNEW IT!" Keith yelled, balling his fists and walking out of the room. After he was out of sight, Neil and Nigella looked at each other. "Can't believe no-one ever finds the correct answer." she said, placing her books on her bed. "That's because no-one actually uses their brains to think of a practical answer, everyone thinks that the answer would be something difficult." When Neil walked out of the room, his daugher called out his name. "...If the last symbol of this line is C , the correct answer is B, but when the symbol is D or A, the answer will be C. Now, what's the answer?" "B." Nigella smiled. "Correct."  
  
Downstairs, Rick and Vyv were discussing who have had the most women for the last twenty years, while Mike was writing something down in a notebook. "Are you going back home?" Nick asked his father. "Maybe, maybe not." "But, what if I need to see you? You'll be miles away!" "I think you can take care of yourself, Nick." "But...but..." "Yeah, I was just wondering about the same thing." Nigella said, sitting on the stairs. "Well, it's not like we can all live in this house..." Neil said. "Hey guys, maybe we can all go back to our old student-home!" Rick yelled, flapping his arms. "Yeah, that way we can reunite in peace..." Vyv said, looking over to Rick, "Or pieces." "Okay, but what if Balowski, or whoever has control of the place now, has already rented it out to someone else?" Mike questioned himself. "Uhm, actually, I still live there." Rick mumbled. "For some reason I find the thought of moving back in there kind of fastidious all of the sudden." "Talking about fastidious..." Nigella said, looking up, "I have just noticed there's just one bathroom in here." "So?" "I am a woman, remember?" "Oh realy, haven't noticed yet." Nick grinned. "ANYWAY...I...you...damn, now what?" "Stop being so sensitive and deal with it?" The girl sighed and rubbed her eyes, "I suppose so. But I have to warn you, everyone that's bothering me will get harmed!" "What are you going to do, then? Tickle me to death?" "Shh...realy, she can get pretty evil when she's angry." Neil whispered to Nick. He looked at the hippy as if he saw an aliën, and then looked back to Nigella. "So!" Rick interrupted, clapping his hands, "We still have a whole weekend, let us go to my place, shall we?" The other three men nodded and walked out the door, yelling things as 'bye, guys' and 'see you around'. When the door closed, Keith looked towards Richard. "Let's get ready to rumble..."  
  
~~*~~ 


	3. Home Sweet Home

Meh another messy chapter, eh? I've finally found out how to write a descent fanfic again.  
  
Enjoy, and keep the reviews comming!  
  
~~*~~  
  
The men walked into the old student-house they once lived in. Mike looked around himself, amazed that the house was still standing upright.  
  
"Well." Rick said, also looking around, "What do you think? Home-sweet-home, eh?"  
  
"I can't believe it...hey! A new fridge to blow up! Remember the good old times, lads?" Vyv said, "Damn, I haven't been here since...well, since summer holiday started!"  
  
"Yeah...to imagine we have lived here for, like, a year or so..." Neil said.  
  
"Uh-huh, those were the good times. Nothing to worry about back then, it was just us and this place..."  
  
"Gawsh Rick, I thought you were kicked outta this house as well!" Mike laughed, "How did you get back here."  
  
"Remember that my parents died right before holiday started? It seemed that they had left me some money. That way, I could buy this house. It is mine now!"  
  
"Great! Do you also remember that we tried to rob the bank, and then drove off a cliff..."  
  
"...and through Cliff..." Vyv smiled.  
  
"...yeah, and through Cliff, in a double-decker that exploded?"  
  
The men laughed.  
  
"Yeah, that was the last time I saw you guys..." Neil said, his smile faded as he rubbed his left-arm.  
  
"What's wrong, Neil?" Rick asked.  
  
"What happened to you guys right after the crash?" he replied.  
  
"Just some bruises." Mike said.  
  
Rick looked down, "Concussion."  
  
Neil pulled up the sleeve of his shirt, reveiling some scars.  
  
"Oh, brilliant!" Vyv yelled, "You guys got all the fun, while all I got were a broken car and a dead hamster!"  
  
"Poor SPG, I wonder where he is now."  
  
[SCÈNE CHANGE] SGP sitting in a room filled with fire, with devil-horns on his head  
  
"FEEL THE WRATH OF THE HAMSTER! Mhuahahahahhahahhahahahaha"  
  
[back to Rick's house]  
  
"Aww well, good thing I left your rooms just like you left it!" Rick squeeled.  
  
"Why did you do that?" Mike asked.  
  
"I was afraid to run into one of Vyv's socks."  
  
"Oh...okay."  
  
"So, what have you guys been up to for the last twenty years?" Vyv asked, jumping onto the couch.  
  
"Just the usual, I think, I have now got a wife, a son, another wife..." Mike answered.  
  
"Two Mrs. Thecoolguy's?"  
  
"Why, yes, but they both don't know about it."  
  
"Oh...okay. You have a job?"  
  
"No, but my 'legal-wife' does, she earns quite some money by travelling around."  
  
"So in fact you have the good life, eh?"  
  
"I think you can say that. Now, how about you, Rick?"  
  
"Well, I don't have a job, but, aww well, who needs a job! Jobs are for facists!"  
  
"And Mrs. Rick?"  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?!"  
  
"I meanth your wife, Rick. You have a son, so that must mean that you had a wife."  
  
"I had a one-night-stand, and nine months later, Richard was laying in front of the door."  
  
"You know what I think?" Vyv said, still jumping on the couch.  
  
"What?"  
  
"That you are a VIRGIN!"  
  
"Oh realy? How can I be a virgin when I have a son?!"  
  
"Ever heard of the holy virgin?"  
  
"..."  
  
"He's got a point, Rick." Mike said.  
  
"Shuddup! Now, if you think that you are so cool, Vyv, why don't you tell us about your life?"  
  
"Well." Vyv stopped jumping, "I am divorced, ever since that woman could not handle my personality, and the personality of Keith."  
  
"Job?"  
  
"Uh...McDonald's?"  
  
"Okay, I am not going to eat there any more."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Now, how about you, Neil?"  
  
"I have got a job, as a writer, and I had a wife..."  
  
"Divorced?"  
  
"No..."  
  
"One night stand?"  
  
"No..."  
  
"Then what?"  
  
"She died."  
  
It was silent for a few seconds, when the three men looked over at Neil in shock.  
  
"G...God Neil, I'm sorry." Rick mumbled.  
  
"It's okay. I got over it."  
  
"Are you going to find yourself a new wife?"  
  
"No, I have only got one woman in my life, and that's Nigella."  
  
"How touching." Vyv said, putting his hands on his heart and blinking.  
  
"So, I am hungry, how about you guys?" Mike said.  
  
"Anyone in the mood for lentils?" Neil yelled.  
  
"HELL YEAH!"  
  
~~*~~ 


	4. Breakfast? I need a break and FAST!

Scumbag College, sunday, 6.30 AM...  
  
"Good mooooooooooooooooorning roomies!" Rich said, entering the small kitchen of the   
  
student-home. He stretched himself and smiled happily, "Does anyone know what day it is?"  
  
"Sunday?" Keith replied, stuffing his mouth with cornflakes.  
  
"Too, but also...?"  
  
"The London-trip, yeahyeah big deal." Nick said. He watched as Nigella put on some lipstick   
  
while walking past the three men, "How the hell can you put on that stuff while not having a   
  
mirror with you, and actually not mess it up?"  
  
"Easy." she replied, "I am a woman...we can do at least two things at the same time."  
  
"You are saying..." Keith asked, sticking out his hand to give his question more strength.  
  
"That women are more evolved than men."  
  
"Oh yeah, haha, so that's why women can fake orgasms!"  
  
"Women can fake orgasms, men intire relationships."  
  
"Then who is more evolved, then?"   
  
"I do not feel like giving a comment on that."  
  
Keith smiled, and ate some more cornflakes, pointing his spoon to Nigella.  
  
Rich walked around looking very exited.  
  
"We are going to see the London Dugeon today, and the Eye Of London, and..."  
  
Before he could finish his scentance, Keith had already hit him in the head with his empty   
  
bowl.  
  
"We all know what we are going to visit, you little piece of crap."  
  
"At what time do we have to get to the busses?" Nick asked.  
  
"Uhm...6.45...and they'll leave at 7."  
  
"What time is it, now?"  
  
"6...45?! C'mon guys we have to hurry!" Rich yelled hysterically while flapping his arms in   
  
the air.  
  
"I'm done, I am just waiting for you guys to finish breakfast." Keith replied.  
  
"We have to walk about ten minutes to the parking lot..."  
  
"Well if you keep flapping your arms like that, and with a little bit of help coming from me,   
  
you'll be flying off to the parking lot."  
  
**  
  
"WAIT! WAIT UP FOR US!"   
  
The double-decker stopped just in time, when Rich crossed the road. Some of the students   
  
laughed, while others were cursing.   
  
"Hey Keith, got your girlfriends with ya?" a young rocker asked the punker.   
  
"At least I can get some..." Keith mumbled, pushing Rich forward to the back of the bus   
  
while the others followed them.  
  
"Excuse me." a teacher said, holding Keith's arm tightly, "Names, please, and   
  
student-home-number."  
  
Keith sighed, "Keith Bastart, home 13."  
  
"...Sir..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"No, not you...when you say something to a teacher, you should end it with 'sir'."  
  
"Whatever...sir."  
  
"Now, you?" the teacher asked to Rich.  
  
"RICH, HOME NUMBER 13 SIR!"  
  
"Last name?"  
  
"Don't have one, sir."  
  
"Yeap, you're on the list. Next!"  
  
Nigella looked at Rich, "You don't have a last name?"  
  
"Donthaveone...that's my last name."  
  
"..."  
  
"Nick Thecoolguy, also home 13, sir."  
  
"And you are..."  
  
"Nigella Pye, home 13, sir."  
  
"You're not on the list. If you would step out of the bus, please."  
  
"What?! I am one of the students!"  
  
"Can you prove it?"  
  
"I...I...I..."  
  
"Actually..." Keith interrupted, "The name is Nigel Pye..."  
  
"Oh, yes, that name is on the list. Sorry, Nigel, I thought you were a girl."  
  
"But I am a..."  
  
"Shut up, Nigel.." Keith whispered and guided her to her seat. She sat down with her arms   
  
crossed.  
  
"I know I don't have a lot, but to think I'm a guy..."  
  
"You have just enough."  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
Keith's face reddened, "Nevermind."  
  
The driver stood up, holding a microphone.  
  
"Yoooooooooo all the people in the bus happy?"  
  
"YEAH!" Rich yelled, holding his fist up in the air.  
  
*crickets chirping in the background*  
  
"Never mind."  
  
He put down his arm and looked down.  
  
"Anyway, da numba one place we are goin' to break dooooooooooown is tha London Eye, Ai't?"  
  
"Sir, are you drunk by any chance?" one of the students asked.  
  
"No fella...I don't drink and drive!"  
  
"Phew.."  
  
"...I smoke and flyyyyyyyyy!"  
  
They all looked worried and started mumbling.  
  
"Okay, okay...heheh...he's just joking! This man is going to drive you around safely..." the   
  
teacher said.  
  
"Heehee...RIGHT!"  
  
The bus started driving again, to the oversized ferris wheel named either London Eye or   
  
Millenium Wheel...  
  
*** 


	5. Fly off!

"Are we there yet?"  
  
"..."  
  
"Keith? Are we there yet?"  
  
"..."  
  
"Keith? Hello? Rich to Keith!"  
  
"....can't you see that I am trying to think, Richard?"  
  
"Ah-hah! You do hear me! Now, are we there yet?"  
  
Keith turned himself around in his seat, facing the black-haired boy who was sitting right   
  
behind him.  
  
"Rich, mate, this is one of the very rare moments that I can keep my temper, but I can asure   
  
you that I can lose it fast...very fast...No, we are not there yet. Could you shut up now?"  
  
"Okay..."  
  
-5 minutes later-  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"That's it."  
  
"London Eye?"  
  
"NO, MY TEMPER!"  
  
Keith turned himself around once again, this time, to pull Rich out of his seat and hold him  
  
close to his face, while Nick and Nigella jumped up to hold the Punker down.  
  
"Grab a hold of yourself, Keith!" Nick yelled while trying to remove Keith's hands from Rich's  
  
throath.  
  
"Can't do, Nick, got my hands full already!"  
  
*KLONK*  
  
The hands around Rich's throath loosened, and Keith fell back against the seat behind him.  
  
Nigella stood next to him, holding a small bag.  
  
"What's in there?" Rich asked after he catched his breath.  
  
"Rune stones...always have them with me just in case..."  
  
"Oh...I always had wondered how to use those..."  
  
***  
  
-Rick's place-  
  
The four men were watching telly...or at least the white dot that was on the telly.  
  
"You know, I was wondering..." Rick started.  
  
"About what?" Vyv responded.  
  
"How does a fly land on the ceiling?"  
  
"Well, it has realy sticky feet because of all the poop it sat on."  
  
"I don't mean THAT, Vyv, I mean... does it make a looping or does it rotate?"  
  
Neil stopped watching the telly and looked at the two men next to him.  
  
"Now that's a good question." he said.  
  
"Maybe...the fly lands on it's back and turns itself around..."  
  
"No, Vyv..."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"It'll drop off the ceiling if it does that, farty."  
  
"Oh, right."  
  
The men shut up again.  
  
"Maybe we should catch a fly and see what it does?" Mike suggested.  
  
"Uh-huh..." Rick moaned.  
  
"Did you know a fly can see things move faster than a human can see?" Neil mumbled.  
  
"Oh realy?"  
  
"Yeah, that's why we can slap them easily... they don't have enough time to respond."  
  
"So that's why you always wait three minutes before you slap a fly!"  
  
"Well, yeah. That's the least I can do, you know."  
  
"You know what the fly does after it flies off in those three minutes?"  
  
"No, what does it do?"  
  
Rick made a zooming noise and stuck up his middle finger, causing the others to laugh.  
  
"Flies can't do that, Rick. They don't have middle fingers..."  
  
Rick sat up straight, and looked at Neil.   
  
"Vyv?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Could you get my electric fly swatter? It's laying next to you."  
  
"Sure..."  
  
Vyvyan handed the fly swatter over to Rick, who twisted a button on the fly swatter.  
  
"Get ready to feel what a fly feels."  
  
-Out of shot, Neil get's electrocuted by Rick-  
  
"Oww."  
  
"Shut up, Neil."  
  
* * * 


	6. Abrupt Ending Sorry!

Because of my New Young Ones project, this fanfic will not continue..  
  
Please visit http:websitemaker.kennisnet.nl/NewYoungOnes for more information!  
  
Love ya all!  
  
Hell-N 


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